Why I spend (most of) my weekends at home after brain injury

BY: ALYSON ROGERS

A brain injury can come with a variety of symptoms, from visual disturbances to changes in personality.

I have a diffuse axonal injury – a fancy term for damage to tissue in multiple regions of the brain – and the most significant symptom that comes with such a fancy term is fatigue.

When fatigue is present at all hours of the day, down time is precious. I work full-time, and anything beyond that requires a lot of thought, caffeine and an understanding that I need to be in bed by 9 p.m.

Unlike other symptoms of brain injury, fatigue is predictable: if I’m not at work, I’m probably at home. I may leave the house for a few hours on a weekend, or not at all.

My friends often ask what I do when I stay home, how can I stay occupied for all of those hours?

picture of Alyson's home: a picture on the wall of a door with a pillow on a white table that reads 'live, laugh, love' a coffee pot, mug and flowers on a wooden table. Coffee cup reads 'go away I'm reading'
PHOTO: ALYSON ROGERS

My days at home start with the relaxation essentials: my diffuser and candles. Trust me, whether you want to feel relaxed, energized, renewed, happy or sleepy, there is an essential oil and candle for that. I take an opportunity to stay at home as one to take care of my body and feel good. This means alternating between sipping tea and water while I light up the diffuser and candles.

The reason I stay home is two-fold; I’m staying home because I’m exhausted and I’m staying home because I need to rest up for the week ahead. The more brain injury symptoms I’m having, the more likely I am to be on my couch.

Essential oils
PHOTO VIA PEXELS

While I spend some time watching movies and television, I can’t sit for hours doing this. My favourite activity when Netflix is off is reading. I usually have a lot of books on the go depending on my mood, including crime books, academic reads and something light, like Mindy Khaling. My other favourite activity is Sudoku, the extreme sport of the brain-injured. (On a side note: if you have any unused Sudoku’s from your newspaper, let me know!)

This down time has also given me more time to write. Beyond the BIST Blog, I also write for The Mighty and have contributed a personal essay to a feminist comedy book coming out in the summer.

Since I moved into a one-bedroom apartment and got an adult job, I have become obsessed with decorating (and redecorating) my apartment. I have decided that if I’m going to be spending so much time at home due to my disability, I’m going to make my home beautiful. I’m a big fan of fake plants as they are self-sustaining and do not care that I am a bad plant mom.

This may sound boring to the able-bodied as there are plenty more interesting things that one could be doing with their weekend. As a person with a disability, this works for me and ensures I’m able to show up for who and where I’m most needed.


Alyson is 26-years-old and acquired her first brain injury ten years ago. She graduated from Ryerson University and is a youth worker at a homeless shelter. In her spare time, Alyson enjoys writing, rollerblading and reading. Follow her on Twitter @arnr33 or on The Mighty.

 

 

 

 

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I live with brain injury: walk a mile in my shoes and you will understand

BY: LEAH DANIELLE KARMONA

Living life with a brain injury is difficult. People who do should be commended for trying their best and never ridiculed for their situation.

Everything takes more time to do. Depending on which part of the brain is injured, your hands may not work right, you may have learning challenges, your speech may be hard to understand, mobility may be an issue, you may have personality changes, your reaction time may be slower.

Living with brain injury

Everybody says, ‘Just stay positive about it.’ But they don’t live with a brain injury. People say the most inappropriate things like, “Oh you have got to be less sensitive about this.” They aren’t in my shoes. They have no right to say this. A brain injury can cause massive problems. People don’t realize this until they actually have lived the experience of someone with a brain injury. Then they realize, “Holy Hell!” What did I sign myself up for here? I know nothing about living with a brain injury.”

And then a whole new life begins. People who live with a brain injury are heroes and should be commended for doing their best. Walk a mile in their shoes and you will understand.

 

 

Dear Brain Injury,

BY: MARK KONING

Dear Brain Injury,

Where did you come from? I never asked for you. You snuck into my head and caused a great deal of damage when I was a young boy, defenceless to your attack. You tried your best with your seizures and placing me in a coma. You robbed me of memories, physical strength, speech, and understanding. You made me feel trapped.

You tried to pull me into the abyss, but I would not go. I would not surrender.

With all that you stripped of me, I somehow made it back.

Photo of a journal: Secrets of a Brain Injury Survivor
PHOTO: MARK KONING

Maybe it was the love of my mom and dad, or my little sister who wanted her big brother back. Maybe it was my friends who wrote me cards and drew me pictures while I was lying there, motionless. Maybe it was something you just could never quite take away; my heart and my soul. My character.

Somehow you managed to shield yourself from my awareness and understanding. You did this for quite some time. And while I knew something wasn’t right, I just didn’t know.

I want you to know that despite trying as hard as I did and always, sometimes blindly, moving forward, you still made life growing up, difficult. Challenging. Torture.

But I kept moving.

I never wanted you.

But I kept moving.

People didn’t and still don’t, understand. I don’t necessarily understand.

Dear Brain Injury, when you knock me down I get back up. I will ALWAYS get back up. - Mark Koning Person wearing a grey hoodie, from the back, looking at the oceanBut I keep moving.

You are an unwanted guest, still lingering after all of these years. Hiding in the shadows like a monster. In my weakest moments, or sometimes when I’m just not paying enough attention, you unleash your poison. You bring about the pain, the fatigue, the frustration and the tears.

It is hard for me to know that others don’t see my unwanted guest. It is hard for me to know that you refuse to leave. But despite these things, despite how tired and angry I get, I know. I am the strong one, you are the weak. This is my path; and in a weird and strange way, you are the one who is now trapped.

Because I realized something that I don’t think you ever intended; it is NOT the end. I am a Survivor. Not just of the initial impact, of my time in the hospital, but every day. I survive; I thrive; I learn; I grow. And when you knock me down, I get back up. I will ALWAYS get back up.

Truly, NOT yours,

Mark


Mark’s passion to lend a helping hand, offer advice and give back has developed into a moral and social responsibility with the goal of sharing, inspiring and growing – for others as well as himself. His experience as a survivor, caregiver, mentor and writer has led to his credibility as an ABI Advocate and author of his life’s story, Challenging Barriers & Walking the Path. Follow him on Twitter @Mark_Koning or go to www.markkoning.com

The waves of ABI-related trauma

BY: MARK KONING

If you ask me, any type of brain injury is traumatic, whether it is acquired by a motor vehicle collision, an aneurism, a viral infection etc.

Living with the challenges of ABI, which can include headaches, nausea, fatigue, chronic pain – among other countless symptoms – can be brutal, and this brutality often comes in waves. Brain injury is often invisible, episodic, and quite often, not understood.

Sometimes I think the real trauma of acquiring a brain injury comes after the actual injury itself. I think many survivors of brain injury handle the initial challenges of their injury better than the ongoing aftermath, the reactions from others to their injury, and their own mental well-being.

Sometimes I think the real trauma fo acquiring a brain injury comes after the actual injury itself - Mark Koning

I am happy for those that try, for those that don’t turn away. I am lucky to be in the position I am and to have the support I do. Nevertheless, at times, it feels as though the trauma continues.

There are times I think it is my fault: for pushing myself too hard, or for not saying enough. There are other times I simply want to yell and scream. Sometimes I even get confused and scared simply by looking in the mirror and questioning my own feelings.

I don’t want to explain what fatigue means for me, I don’t want to justify why or how it is that I just know my headaches are not the same as yours, I want to stop feeling stupid every time I forget something and I see that look on the faces of others.

The trauma lives on.

I am doing the best I can.

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I just want them to understand. Because if others can start to do that, perhaps I can keep moving forward without feeling like one step up means two steps down.

Then maybe, I can put the trauma to rest.


Mark’s passion to lend a helping hand, offer advice and give back has developed into a moral and social responsibility with the goal of sharing, inspiring and growing – for others as well as himself. His experience as a survivor, caregiver, mentor and writer has led to his credibility as an ABI Advocate and author of his life’s story, Challenging Barriers & Walking the Path. Follow him on Twitter @Mark_Koning or go to www.markkoning.com

What we don’t like to think about, but need to prepare for

Do you ever think, what would you do if your spouse was in a serious accident?

20170304_200345
Theresa and Norm McColl at Theresa’s college graduation.

Who pays the bills? How are they paid? Do you have access to your spouse’s bank account?

And the big question: do you have a will and power of attorney (POA)? Do you know where they are?

If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, I applaud you. You are prepared.

Regardless of our age, many of us think we’re too young to worry about the practical details of what would happen if we or our spouse were suddenly seriously injured or deceased. These are difficult topics to talk about, and we are like to think ‘it’ll never happen to me’. That’s what my husband, Norm, and I thought.

One day, we drove past a place that did wills and power of attorneys. Norm said, “We don’t need a will and power of attorney.”

But something in me felt differently, and I insisted we get them done.

I am so glad we did. A little while later, on Thursday, April 28, 2011 things changed for us forever when Norm was in a very serious car accident.

20170304_195518
This photo collage represents Norm’s passions before his injury. From top (R-L) logos from Guelph Storm Hockey, Kinsmen Club, Guelph Fire Department and Guelph Radio Station.

The pickup truck he was driving was T-Boned and ended up underneath a tracker trailer.

Norm was only able to mumble his name and where he worked before he lost consciousness. He was air lifted to Sunnybrook Hospital from where we live in Guelph. He had several broken bones, and we were soon to learn, a traumatic brain injury.

Until then, Norm lead a busy life. He worked at the firehall and had a radio show. He was, and continues to be, a Kinsmen.

Norm’s injury changed my world in countless ways, including the practical ones. Until then, he had been the bill payer and, in large part, the provider. In an instant, those duties became mine. I had no idea what to do, and I needed to find our POA.

All of our bank accounts and bills were under Norm’s name, and I needed the POA to gain access to them. Without the POA, who knows how long it would have taken before I could start to live and pay bills.

I am very grateful Norm listened to me that day when we were out for a drive. I am glad that our wills and POA were in effect. If we had just said, “Oh, that’s just for old people,” and drove by, I would have been in a heck of a mess.

After hearing my story,  what are you waiting for? Are you prepared?

Please don’t wait, tomorrow, may be too late.


After her husband’s injury, Theresa went back to school to become a Personal Support Worker. She has taken courses in brain injury, and is now a full time caregiver. You can follow her on Instagram, HERE

Fatigue and the heat wave

BY: MARK KONING

There is a saying, ‘no two brain injuries are alike.’

This is true, every acquired brain injury is indeed different. But these horrid ABIs share some commonalities, and one in particular is fatigue.

people walking on a busy sidewalk in the summer
photo credit: Holographic Circus Wume / Aural States via photopin (license)

Similar to brain injury, fatigue is invisible. I find it to be hiding in the corners of my brain, lurking in the shadows. It seems to be ready to jump into action at any given time of the day. A nap, or extra rest, does not cure it.

Fatigue:

extreme drowsiness, typically resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness.

I’m not sure if people understand the effect fatigue has on someone living with a brain injury. I find it comes in waves and at various levels of low, mild and extreme.

It is a silent paralyzer, and never a pleasant experience. It is disorienting. One could almost wonder how much worse it possibly get?

Remember last summer? 2016 was the hottest year on record. This summer we have some relief, but the heat and humidity persist on most days, and they are a lethal instigator of fatigue.

Close up of an outdoor thermometer reading 100 degrees
photo credit: jo3design [DSP] May 18: Heat Wave via photopin (license)
While I’m not sure what is the best way to beat this devastating duo of fatigue and the heat wave, I know there must be a way to deal with it.

Perhaps it is inner strength, or knowing how to slow yourself down and breathe. Maybe the answer is to go for a nice cool swim or take a cold shower. Regardless of how staggering it can get, like with many things, I will get through it and survive.

I’m sure any of us who come up against these monsters can do the same. (And remember, fall is just around the corner.)

But sometimes I wonder, which is harder? Dealing with the fatigue or dealing with the fact that others don’t understand why I’m dealing with the fatigue. Maybe it is me not always telling people that I’m trying to deal with the fatigue.

Wow, that’s confusing, but that is also brain injury.

Mark’s passion to lend a helping hand, offer advice and give back has developed into a moral and social responsibility with the goal of sharing, inspiring and growing – for others as well as himself. His experience as a survivor, caregiver, mentor and writer has led to his credibility as an ABI Advocate and author of his life’s story, Challenging Barriers & Walking the Path. Follow him on Twitter @Mark_Koning or go to www.markkoning.com

Come with BIST to see Brain Storm: a Toronto Fringe play about brain injury, a psychic medium and Dr. Wilder Penfield

BY: MERI PERRA

If you’re of a certain age and lived in Canada, you likely remember this classic Heritage Minute featuring neurosurgeon Dr. Wilder Penfield:

Taliesin McEnaney remembers the commercial well. A theatre professional with over 16 years acting, writing, producing and directing experience, McEnaney’s family tree includes a spirit channeling grandmother, Claire Ward. One of the spirits Ward channelled was Dr. Penfield. (For the record, Ward’s relationship with the deceased Penfield began in 1980, well before the line ‘I smell burnt toast’ became Heritage Minute famous in 1991.)

Also, McEnaney has a family member who lives with brain injury.

“I was researching epilepsy and seizures and Dr. Wilder Penfield was coming up quite a bit,” McEnaney said. “I was remembering he was [one of] my granny’s spirit guides. So I asked my aunt for all her writings and there are like 200 pages of typed up transcripts.”

A still from the play Brain Storm, a woman in an old fashioned surgeon's uniform pulls off her gloves

After pouring through her grandmother’s notes, researching Dr. Penfield’s work and spending a year collaborating with four actors, McEnaney’s play, Brain Storm, about a woman trying to navigate through her new reality of living with brain injury, hit the Toronto Fringe Festival this week, and runs until July 15th.

(BIST Members can see Brain Storm for FREE on July 13th, and after join McEnaney to discuss the play. You must register in advance, HERE.)

“One of the ways [the main character, Kate] tries to [come to terms with her brain injury] is she turns to her grandmother, who is dead and had previously been a medium,” McEnaney said. “One of the messages she had channelled was from Dr. Wilder Penfield, and the message was that the mind goes on after death.”

Penfield’s work fascinates McEnaney because the neurosurgeon was able to change people’s reality – what they saw, smelled or heard – simply by placing electrodes on different parts of their brain. In Penfield’s book, The Mystery of the Mind: A Critical Study of Consciousness and the Human Brain Penfield theorizes that life after death is possible, if the mind can find a different source of energy. The brain, Penfield believes, is what fuels the mind.

From what McEnaney has experienced through her family member, this is similar to some of the effects of brain injury. A person’s injured brain may be unable to filter sounds and images, creating an intensity which is often overwhelming, leading to the question of what is reality and what is not.

“Without brain injury, we’re moving through the world not hearing so many things, not seeing so many things because the brain is filtering so we can focus,” McEnaney said. “When you are brain injured, everything is coming in at once and you’re becoming overstimulated because the reality is so intense. It’s like, ok whose reality is it?”

A woman in old fashioned surgeon's gear looks at the camera

For McEnaney, it’s not important whether her grandmother really channelled spirits. (Though Ward’s notes on Dr. Penfield mimic his writings, which Ward had never read before she began channelling him.) But what is important is that her play opens up a conversation in the brain injury community.

“Every brain injury is different, and so is the one that you see in the show, but I think there are some commonalities that people will recognize,” McEnaney said.

Register HERE to see Brain Storm on July 13th with BIST!

If you can’t come with BIST on July 13th, you can buy tickets for Brain Storm HERE.

 

BRAIN STORM is co-created and performed by Hayley Carr, Maïza Dubhé, Shayna Virginillo, and Alexandra Montagnese. Conceived of and directed by Taliesin McEnaney, set and costume designed by Will Bezek with lighting design by Claire Hill.

 Thanks to our Event Sponsor

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IMAGES COURTESY OF LUCID LUDIC